Asked and Not Answered

asked-not-answered

When I was a little girl I would pray fervently, as I still do today. As early as I can recall (and I have some pretty early memories going as far back as 3 years of age) I loved God deeply… And I knew he loved me too.

I grew up a Catholic and my family worshipped at Holy Family Basilica, smack in the middle of the Nairobi CBD. I was in awe of the Church and loved Sunday service. But every Sunday I would watch and then pray, even more fervently, about two particular things…

First, I would pray,  “Dear Lord, please never, ever, ever let me breastfeed in public!”  Of course as a young girl I would see mothers in and around the Church who were breastfeeding and at that self conscious age I thought is was quite humiliating!

The second thing I would pray about was based on something a beloved Nun at my school Loreto Convent Msongari told us… “The Lord may call you to serve Him so be ready to heed His call.” I thought that meant he would call us to be Nuns. I really, really  didn’t want to be a Nun so I would pray, “Please, please Lord don’t choose me. There are so many other amazing people, please choose one of them!”

But they say the Lord laughs as we make our plans… He must have laughed heartily at my passionate, naive prayers.

When I had my first child close to twelve years ago, all protocol was out the window immediately. My priority was feeding my child.  While in public I would try to be subtle and graceful about it, but I really did not care where I was or who was in the vicinity if I needed to feed my hungry child. I would just go ahead and do it. And I must say the experience of breastfeeding and bonding with all my children has been one of the greatest joys of my life.

Prayer number one not answered and I am the better for it.

On to prayer number two. All my life I have read the Bible with a thirst for knowledge and understanding. All my life I have sought to understand the will of God and to please Him. When I was that young girl trying to avoid the work of service, I did not realize that the blessed seed was already planted in me and that we can serve Him in every aspect of our lives at every moment. I did not have to become a nun to be called. I am honored each and every day to serve and worship our Lord.

Prayer number two not answered and I am the better for it.

You may be praying for something with all the passion and conviction in the world, believing that it is right for you, but He knows better.

Sometimes we just need to say,

“Lord, today I leave all matters in your great hands.
You will determine my path.
For you alone are God and I have absolute faith that you only want the best for me.”

Amen

Afro-optimist * Wife * Mother * Child of God TV Host * Writer * Producer * Entrepreneur * Philanthropist

13 Comments on "Asked and Not Answered"

  1. Wambui says:

    I love this one. Reminds me of a friend, who after hearing from another how painful birth labor is, prayed that she never gets pregnant. Now a mother of two, she just cant comprehend that she uttered those words…and unto God!!

  2. Wangu says:

    Woooooooooooooowwwww we pray He knows.

  3. Karewa says:

    Reading this late but it reminds me that God grants us what we need and not what we want. Thanks Julie for your service to humanity. God will richly bless you in your endeavors.

  4. Daisy says:

    Your second prayer really made me laugh… God don’t call me… there are many amazing people in the world please choose one of them. I just can’t stop laughing! It reminds me of years gone. My spiritual mom came to see me at school and asked whether I prayed for her. The answer was of course, yes. Then she asked what I prayed and I said proudly, “God to give you money and a car…” and then the prayer for myself was that I be number one in class… God really has patience.

  5. Njambi says:

    “Lord, today I leave all matters in your great hands.
    You will determine my path.
    For you alone are God and I have absolute faith that you only want the best for me.”

    I think this is a prayer that is very sobering. I am struggling to meet a balance in my life…Some times I think I am being a control freak.

  6. Nthiwa says:

    haha hilarious esp how you turned the tables on your baby. :-)
    Profoundly true resounds with Propaganda the Poet’s words where he says we demand from God and claim he has failed us as if we know whats best for us.
    My first read…hilarious and awesome.

  7. sakwa says:

    good story sometimes i ask God teach me how to pray 4 the things i know not

  8. BryanOmoto says:

    One of the most amazing I have ever read.

  9. Meza Jacob says:

    Its amazing what experience teaches us not all prayers are answered and its because God knows what is good for us.

  10. May says:

    I totally love this piece… amazing… He surely knows best…as He has better things in store…

    May this always be our prayer
    “Lord, today I leave all matters in your great hands. You will determine my path. For you alone are God and I have absolute faith that you only want the best for me.”

  11. urban Mbithi says:

    we are preparing for the Baptism of our infant. i am supposed to write a letter to him about the many plans, hopes and dreams that float in and out of my mind and my heart while still fresh and green with new life. …telling him why am requesting this special gift.
    And i just realize:
    “Lord, today I leave all matters in your great hands.
    You will determine my boys path,
    For you alone are God and I have absolute faith that you only want the best for him.”

  12. Wandithia Ngugi Akute says:

    I am expecting my first child on August this year and to be honest I am still terrified at the thought of breastfeeding in public but I guess when it comes to ones child one will do anything to keep that child satisfied, comfortable and happy

  13. Emmaculate Tatu says:

    TRUE!!isnt it just amazing how we serve an omnipotent jehovah.Iam sure he really did laugh at your prayers and he still does at most of our prayers as his childred but it is with so much joy and peace that we can still trust him to give us the best.He is an awesome God

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